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Do you sometimes (or often) hear that inner voice that has so much to say about why you shouldn’t go after your dream or try something new? It’s always talking you down or coming up with ‘reasons’ why you can’t. When fear or doubt come into play as a result of taking a risk or uncertainty, there’s always that inner voice. Its name is the inner critic and it’s trying to tell you something but not necessarily the truth. That inner voice is merely a part of you that wants to keep you safe and out of harm’s way. The message is, ‘this doesn’t feel safe and therefore it’s not good.’ This part of you is focused only on safety and doesn’t see the benefits of what you are about to do. So it will scream loudly in protest. So how to do we overcome this resistance and keep taking action? Think for yourself You can choose what thoughts and feelings you decide to buy into. To believe the inner critic or not. If I tell you that your hair is green when it’s clearly not, you will simply shrug off my comment and possibly think I’m a bit looney. If I keep insisting your hair is green, you may laugh at my insanity or feel sorry for my lack of knowledge. Know your truth and keep focused on the outcomes you want to achieve. Most of the time the inner critic is misinformed. It’s telling you something’s not safe when really there is little or no danger. Don’t blindly believe it. Think for yourself and look for evidence to support otherwise.  Acknowledge your inner critic Have ever tried to ignore your inner critic? When you try to ignore the voice it usually gets louder. Or if you do succeed in shutting it up, you can bet it’ll be back again soon. I teach this in-depth in some of my programs but here’s the quick tip that I want to share with you today about your inner critic. You must realise that your inner critic is like a small child that won’t be reasoned with – think 3 or 4 years old. It doesn’t care for logic, just wants its needs met. And what are those needs? Simple, to be heard, to be acknowledged. If you ignore it, it just screams louder than before. I like to acknowledge and make space for my inner critic, meeting her with a non-emotional curiosity until she gets bored of harassing me or says something so ridiculous that I simply can’t believe her. Remember, just because your inner critic has got things to say, doesn’t mean it’s true and it’s still up to you to decide whether you’re going to believe it or not. Don’t fight with your inner critic When you stop trying to suppress and ignore that inner voice and just allow it to speak, you immediately stop the struggle, stop the fight. The benefit of this is that you don’t get all emotional and stressed. It doesn’t mean you accept what it saying to be true, you just acknowledge its existence in a non-emotional way and from that place, you can decide to believe it or not. When simply allowed, that voice will soon run out of things to say and will become quiet of its own accord, or will say something so ridiculous that it loses all credibility. The key here is to not be tricked into the drama. Be the calm, cool, non-emotional, stable parent to your inner critic having a 3-year-old tantrum and it will soon subside. With a little practice in responding this way, it’s over in a minute and you can get on with your day. So the next time your inner critic tells you, ‘you won’t be good at it, you’re not good enough, you don’t even know what you’re doing, or you’re too old, too fat or your hair isn’t quite right to be successful’, learn to allow it with a non-emotional curiosity and it will soon pass. It’s not about what that fearful voice says, it’s about how you respond to it. Then decide for yourself what action you are going to take toward your big dreams and goals.  Meet Melissa Kay A mother, lover of life, personal growth, and good coffee, Melissa has a passion for inspiring and helping others to dream big and take action. She owns and runs Melissa Kay Coaching where she focuses on empowerment and lasting transformation, so her clients can create a life and business they truly love. Ways to work with Melissa Join the Accelerator program - join the waitlist Work with Melissa VIP style - 1:1 coaching packages Join the free Facebook community - for daily content and great conversations
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If I were less emotional I’d probably get a lot more done. But I’m not a robot, I’m a fully functioning human being, the real deal, messy as it can be at times. There is often a super high expectation placed upon the entrepreneur to be this high-performance machine, avoiding the lows at all costs and being productive all the damn time. How unrealistic are we? Perhaps you even hold yourself to that expectation (you wouldn’t be the first).  Your emotions are never wrong! [ “What? But Melissa you are always saying I need to stay high vibe, feeling good.” ] Ok, let me explain. Your emotions always have a message for you and the more you look and listen, the easier it’ll be to work through the low times. Heck, nobody wants to stay in that feel-crap place right? I get it, you do want to be productive and moving toward your dream. Running in circles or having your feet stuck in cement just ruins your shoes. But you never want to make your emotions wrong. That is a surefire way to cut off your connection to your own truth and honest communication with yourself and others. Nobody wins with this approach. Instead of feeling ‘wrong’ when you’re not feeling good, many of the world’s best coaches suggest that you get curious instead. Learn to be ok in whatever the feeling is and search for the message it’s delivering. This is far more useful and can actually help you solve the problem. Accepting your emotions and working with them rather than fighting them is going to feel so much easier and get you back to a powerful, beautiful, productive state sooner. You will bypass the suffering and get better at managing your emotions. Which is good for your sanity and your business. It’s helpful to remember that whatever uncomfortable emotion you are experiencing, you’ve probably been there before. Instead of crumbling every time things go wrong, you can remind yourself that you will get through it. You have evidence in your past, that the sun will shine again.  So you’ve got this! You’ve been through it before and you can handle it today and if it happens again in the future, you’ve got that too. Which if you really think about it, is kind of exciting. Permission granted to feel any and all emotions, and tune in to what’s going on rather than suppressing it, and the confidence that whatever may come, you can handle it. Now you are mastering your emotions and building resilience and not wasting so much time and energy pretending everything is hunky-dory (for my overseas readers, that means alright) when it’s not. To sweeten the deal, the more you take charge of your emotional world, the more you‘ll begin to embrace the idea that you can, in fact, respond to events in your life, however you choose. But let’s dive into that next time. Want to learn more about emotional mastery? Connect with me in my community where we have great conversations about empowered life and business.  Meet Melissa Kay A mother, lover of life, personal growth, and good coffee, Melissa has a passion for inspiring and helping others to dream big and take action. She owns and runs Melissa Kay Coaching where she focuses on empowerment and lasting transformation, so her clients can create a life and business they truly love. Ways to work with Melissa Join the Accelerator program - join the waitlist Work with Melissa VIP style - 1:1 coaching packages Join the free Facebook community - for daily content and great conversations Do you want to do more in your life and business but that pesky (or perhaps crippling) self-doubt keeps getting in your way? There’s a pretty high chance you’re nodding your head right now or letting out a sigh of agreeance. Well, friend, I feel your pain. But I know you were made for more, so let’s have a look at some no-nonsense ways that you can boost your self-belief today and get started on those amazing projects and dreams of yours. Remember who you are at your core Put aside, for a few moments, your doubts, fears and negativity, and answer this question: Who am I when I’m free of my limiting thoughts and behaviours? If this feels tricky for you, simply describe who you will be and how you will show up in the world, when you’ve got unshakeable self-belief. What kind of things will you do, what kind of thoughts will you think, how will you behave, dress, take care of yourself, what will you create and much abundance will you be welcoming into your life? Get loud and proud about it Create some great affirmations that speak directly to who you truly are, who you will be and the achievements you have in mind. It doesn’t matter if you don’t fully believe it yet, it’s time to declare your intention to the Universe and stop hiding behind your fears. Write it, speak it, get excited about it. I’d recommend going next level and turning your affirmations into incantations. Pump up your favourite high-vibe music, get into a powerful emotional state, and give your affirmation an energy that can not be denied.  Surround yourself with like-minded people You’ve most likely heard this before but it’s worth repeating. Spend less time (or no time) with people, in places, or contemplating information that makes you feel bad or doubt yourself. Get a new friend, business buddy or mastermind group where everyone is working on improving themselves. Find support and encouragement and give it to others. Read the books that inspire you and help you see what is all possible in this big world. Imagine how your self-belief will radically improve when you surround yourself with positivity daily. Manage your inner critic Got an overactive inner critic that never seems to shut up? There are ways to manage it and take charge, you don’t have to suffer. You could try the ‘ignore it’ approach, though personally, I’ve not had much success with this one. The reason being is that your inner critic is like a 4-year old. You ignore it and it just screams louder than before. I like to acknowledge and make space for my inner critic, meeting her with a non-emotional curiosity until she gets bored of harassing me or says something so ridiculous that I simply can’t believe her. (Stay tuned for next week’s blog if this is something you need to deal with). Either way, just because your inner critic has got things to say, doesn’t mean it’s true and it’s still up to you to decide whether you’re going to buy into it or not. Just don’t be tricked into her attempt to create drama. Be open to what you’re afraid of It’s much healthier to address your fears as you become aware of them and pave a clear path forward than suppress your fears and hope they decide to no get in the way. The same lessons will keep repeating in your life until you deal with what’s underlying your struggles. So just get on with working through your fears. You may need help to do this (if it’s really scary for you) and that’s perfectly ok. Find enough courage to take the first step and get the help you need. A coach, a counsellor, a therapist (lots of options here) or a mentor can help you work through your fears. This is how you will set yourself free from the doubt and begin believing that you have what it takes. Risk is not a dirty word You want to up your belief in yourself then you’ve got to challenge yourself daily. Take a chance on yourself and do something that you consider scary or risky. Start small and work your way up to bigger things. There’s no faster way to build your self-belief than to get out there and prove it to yourself. Don’t kid yourself about what growth is Building your self-belief requires you to grow and develop as a person. Unfortunately, there are no short-cuts and you are the only one who can do the work. Party pooper aren’t I? I’ve seen many people get excited about personal development when it’s the high-energy fun stuff, the positivity and the wins. The moment things get difficult or they experience a major setback, they run screaming for the hills. Get real about the journey because the sooner you can accept that it’s a bumpy road and that failure will be a part of it, the quicker you will reach your destination. PS When you get to your exciting new destination, you’ll celebrate and then set a course for the next level of growth and you’ll need a new level of self-beleif to match it. Rinse and repeat. You’ve got what it takes to make your dreams come true. But I can say it all day long, you are the one who has to believe it. So let’s get to it! Use the suggestions above and let me know how you go. Connect with me on socials and if you’re serious about going after your dreams and goals, building your confidence and upgrading your life, join me in my new free Facebook group ‘Out with the Ordinary’. We are all stepping up big time!  Meet Melissa Kay A mother, lover of life, personal growth, and good coffee, Melissa has a passion for inspiring and helping others to dream big and take action. She owns and runs Melissa Kay Coaching where she focuses on empowerment and lasting transformation, so her clients can create a life and business they truly love. Ways to work with Melissa Join the Accelerator program - join the waitlist Work with Melissa VIP style - 1:1 coaching packages Join the free Facebook community - for daily content and great conversations |
Melissa Kay SchulzCoffee lover, mother, salsa dancer and mindset coach for entrepreneurs. 
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