I have ‘moments’ often where something isn’t going the way that I want it to and I lose my cool. This is especially true when the car in front of me is doing 80 in the 100 zone. Or situations where I start to feel sad or angry or frustrated or helpless.
I'm okay with that because practicing resilience and getting better at managing yourself in any given moment doesn’t mean that you become immune to your feelings. And it doesn’t mean that you get to just avoid those feelings, or that you get to avoid the shitty situations that cause those feelings.
It simply means that you bounce back quicker. You don’t get a free ticket out, but you get out faster. Like the ‘get out of jail free’ card in Monopoly. You still have to go there, but you don’t have to stay. Great right?
Then you can get back to being your usual positive, happy or calm self quicker and get on with your day. The flow-on effect is that you get more done and you feel better more often. Your quality of life goes up dramatically.
So here's what you can do if this is you too...There are a lot of ways that you can become more resilient, to manage yourself better in the moment, or to respond differently when things don’t work out the way you’d wanted. But nobody said it was easy.
In fact, it’s something that takes practice. It’s a skill that you practice over and over again until you get good at it. Over the years I’ve gotten better at managing my emotions and coming back to myself quicker. But sometimes when I’m having ‘a moment’ I forget what I need to do. I just can’t even remember what I’m supposed to do!
I might message my partner, expecting someone else to tell me what to do. His response is usually along the lines of “just take a deep breath, you know this will pass.”
Such simple advice and usually works. So why is it that in the moment, with me knowing so much that I know, I can’t remember to take a deep breath and trust in the fact that this feeling will pass?
Well, the simplified answer is because when your brain is in a state of stress, you can’t think straight. You literally are not functioning the same way as when you’re in a relaxed and calm state. This means that what you know now when you’re calm, is not what you know when you’re stressed out and reacting from a place of emotion rather than responding from a place of logic.
So if you ever have that experience where you lose your cool and you’d like to ‘get out of it faster’ here’s one of my favourite ways to begin building your bounce back muscle.
PS Need more help to feel better in your life? Don’t forget you can book a free strategy session with me anytime. Let’s have a chat and see if I can help you get back on track.
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Melissa Kay Schulz
Coffee lover, mother, salsa dancer and mindset coach for entrepreneurs.