Your words are more powerful than you know.
So how you talk to yourself is more important than you may know.
And no-one is more critical or harsher with their words than you are to yourself.
Ever heard yourself telling yourself that you’re not good enough, smart enough, young enough, old enough or beautiful enough? Ever hear that voice that is doubtful, fearful or criticising? Can’t do it, aren’t worth it, shouldn’t try it.
Sometimes a subtle whisper and sometimes a roaring barrage of filthy, hurtful words, your self-talk can be incredibly damaging if you let it get out of control.
If you’re someone who is critical of yourself, unkind to yourself or has ever said something to yourself that you’d slap a stranger across the face if they said it to you, read on.
The 1, 2, 3 of switching to positive self-talk.
Challenge your negative self-talk with some real evidence
When you hear that critical voice speak up in your head, or for some it speaks out loud, it’s time to get back to the facts. Is there any truth at all to it? Ask if it’s actually true. Usually not, but that’s rarely enough to quieten the voice.
The trick is to look for evidence to disprove the statement. There is always plenty of evidence but you mostly don’t see it because you’re too busy asking the wrong questions.
You ask “why am I not good enough” and get answers for why you’re not good enough. What if you asked, “when are times in my life that I’ve done something I wasn’t sure I could do?” Your brain will get busy coming up with the answers aka. Evidence, for you.
You are good enough, smart enough, strong enough, resilient enough and totally worth it.
So challenge that voice by collecting the evidence that will put it in its place.
If a friend wouldn’t say it, neither should you
Become a friend to yourself and DO NOT utter any words that a good friend wouldn’t say to your face or that you wouldn’t say them. Put your friend filter on your self-talk. It’s that simple.
Practice compassion and kindness toward yourself instead of always giving yourself an over-the-top, completely unjustified, hard time. Especially if you are someone who has nasty, harsh self-talk, this is for you.
Each time you hear the criticism piping up, ask yourself “would I speak like this to someone I love?” If the answer is no, then cut it out.
Ask “would I allow someone else to speak to me like this?” Well, I hope the answer is always no, and cut it out!
Apply your friend filter to your self-talk and watch how it transforms your words.
Crowd out the negative self-talk
It may take a bit of practice to catch your negative thoughts and self-talk but over time it will transform. You can speed up the process by adding in a daily dose of positive talk. Instead of waiting for opportunities to switch out of the negative talk, you can intentionally re-wire your brain to accept and even expect the positive.
The easiest way is to practice a set of daily affirmations about yourself, that lift you up and praise your amazingness. Start with wherever you feel comfortable. Usually somewhere between ‘I am ok’ to ‘I’m a freakin rockstar!’
Remind yourself daily of how wonderful and capable you truly are and soon you’ll leave no space for the negativity in your head.
The important thing to remember is that we all experience doubts and times when we don’t feel up to it. Your inner voice will have something to say, so best you train it to be kind, compassionate and encouraging instead of tearing you down.
Watch your words and watch how you quickly feel better about yourself.
If you’re having a hard time getting your thoughts and words under control, reach out to me for a chat about how I can help you quickly take charge.
Meet Melissa Kay
A mother, lover of life, personal growth, and good coffee, Melissa has a passion for inspiring and helping others to dream big and take action. She owns and runs Melissa Kay Coaching where she focuses on empowerment and lasting transformation, so her clients can create a life and business they truly love.
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Melissa Kay Schulz
Coffee lover, mother, salsa dancer and mindset coach for entrepreneurs.